He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
