I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
