Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
