I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
