I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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