And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
