she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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