Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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