who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
