he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
