I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My balls are so social today.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
