yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
