i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
