Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The air was thick with penises
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
