No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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