We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
