Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
this just has baby written all over it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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