Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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