The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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