you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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