its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
