the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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