I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
