then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
