is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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