Swine flu. Run for my life!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Small penises have feelings too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
