i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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