Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
