Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
