Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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