Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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