I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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