Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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