In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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