I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
