just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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