We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
