Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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