Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
