Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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