One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
