im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No subtext here. People are naked.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
