I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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