He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
