I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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