Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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