I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
