I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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