I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
