from now on my penis is your penis
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
