those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
