Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
