I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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