I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
