i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
