i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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