Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
