Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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