when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
