i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So here I am, sexting at work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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