Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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