i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
