We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
