He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
