cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
