i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize